Enter OLIVIA and MARIA OLIVIA I have sent after him: he says he'll come;
How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.
I speak too loud.
Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil, And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
Where is Malvolio? MARIA He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He is, sure, possessed, madam. OLIVIA Why, what's the matter? does he rave? MARIA No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits. OLIVIA Go call him hither.
Exit MARIA I am as mad as he, If sad and merry madness equal be.
Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO How now, Malvolio! MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho, ho. OLIVIA Smilest thou?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion. MALVOLIO Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and please all.' OLIVIA Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee? MALVOLIO Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand. OLIVIA Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio? MALVOLIO To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee. OLIVIA God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss thy hand so oft? MARIA How do you, Malvolio? MALVOLIO At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws. MARIA Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady? MALVOLIO 'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ. OLIVIA What meanest thou by that, Malvolio? MALVOLIO 'Some are born great,'-- OLIVIA Ha! MALVOLIO 'Some achieve greatness,'-- OLIVIA What sayest thou? MALVOLIO 'And some have greatness thrust upon them.' OLIVIA Heaven restore thee! MALVOLIO 'Remember who commended thy yellow stocking s,'-- OLIVIA Thy yellow stockings! MALVOLIO 'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.' OLIVIA Cross-gartered! MALVOLIO 'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'-- OLIVIA Am I made? MALVOLIO 'If not, let me see thee a servant still.' OLIVIA Why, this is very midsummer madness.
Enter Servant Servant Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship's pleasure. OLIVIA I'll come to him.
Exit Servant Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry.
Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA MALVOLIO O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;
'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity;' and consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN SIR TOBY BELCH Which way is he, in the name of sanctity?
If all the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him. FABIAN Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir? how is't with you, man? MALVOLIO Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go off. MARIA Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him. MALVOLIO Ah, ha! does she so? SIR TOBY BELCH Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is't with you? What, man! defy the devil: consider, he's an enemy to mankind. MALVOLIO Do you know what you say? MARIA La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched! FABIAN Carry his water to the wise woman. MARIA Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say. MALVOLIO How now, mistress! MARIA O Lord! SIR TOBY BELCH Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do you not see you move him? let me alone with him. FABIAN No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used. SIR TOBY BELCH Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck? MALVOLIO Sir! SIR TOBY BELCH Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang him, foul collier! MARIA Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray. MALVOLIO My prayers, minx! MARIA No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness. MALVOLIO Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things: I am not of your element: you shall know more hereafter.
Exit SIR TOBY BELCH Is't possible? FABIAN If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction. SIR TOBY BELCH His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man. MARIA Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint. FABIAN Why, we shall make him mad indeed. MARIA The house will be the quieter. SIR TOBY BELCH Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.
