I started eating again and I started making a much healthier work out plan. I soon even started to gain some confidence back but，I still have those moments where I want to look different. It happens anytime I look at a model in a magazine or a beautiful celebrity on TV. I try not to make unrealistic beauty standards which affect my everyday life but，there is still that young girl in me that wants the perfect body and the perfect life.
记得小时候我几乎拥有所有的芭比娃娃，这些肤色各异的芭比娃娃甚至都有配套的豪华汽车和梦幻别墅，我敢 打包票我的芭比娃娃们的衣柜比我这个年轻人的衣柜还要大得多。我喜欢待在自己的小屋里玩芭比娃娃。我将 她们打扮得漂漂亮亮，我希望未来的自己也能和她们一样美丽动人、时尚优雅、纤细苗条、精致完美。我便暗 暗发誓不惜一切代价要变成最漂亮最完美的女孩子。
读中学时，我感觉自己的梦不可能实现了。我长得胖胖的，满脸痘痘，因为自卑，我穿着宽松肥大的衣服遮挡 自己的肥肉。我还坚持用各种祛痘霜来祛除脸上的痘痘，可是这些都不奏效。我又尝试着化妆遮瑕，但都没用。为此我还曾伤心流泪，因为我永远都无法成为自己心目中理想女孩的模样。
当我十四、快十五岁的时候，我的外貌开始发生一些变化，我的皮肤逐渐变得光洁白皙，体重也减轻了许多，身形曲线也开始显露出来。由于自己的新容貌，我变得无比自信。我开始化妆，穿漂亮衣服，甚至整个人都变 得友善了。我还结交了一群朋友，没过多久我就恋爱了。
我遇到一个男孩，他是我的初恋。看上去他真是个完美的男朋友，只是我想我还配不上他吧。他每天都会跟我 说我长得有多么胖，常常提醒我需要减肥。这使我想起中学那段饱受折磨的回忆，我实在不愿再重蹈覆辙。
于是我每天健身一小时，并且开始节食。看到减肥效果并不明显后，我每天又增加一小时的健身时间。我只吃 些沙拉、米糕和蔬菜之类的食物，到后来我几乎什么都不吃，体重终于减了下来，我觉得自己又重新焕发出我 心目中完美女孩的风采。
不过最后我的男朋友还是抛弃了我，那时我几近崩溃。我想恢复饮食，可是于事无补了，最后成了吃什么吐什 么。就这样我几乎不吃东西了。等到我十六岁时，饮食失调的症状已经十分明显了。不过，由于某种原因，我 任由其发展，直到最后骨瘦嶙峋，我觉得这就是我一直梦想成为的女孩。
情况开始慢慢恶化。我开始每天健身四小时，而且只稍稍吃点面包和沙拉。一天我竟在健身时昏了过去。几个 小时以后我终于醒了过来，却发现自己全身虚弱无力，连爬起来的力气都没有。我在地上挣扎了很久，从那晚 后，我意识到自己应该想个办法来好好照顾自己的身体。
我恢复了饮食，并制订了一个更有利健康的健身计划。很快我便重拾信心，虽然有时看到杂志上的模特或是电 视里出现某位漂亮的女明星时，我还是会产生想变得与众不同的念头，但我不再绞尽脑汁地去制定那些既影响 正常生活又不切实际的审美标准，不过在我内心深处住着一位少女，她依然会不断地追求完美的身材和完美的 人生。
wardrobe
【释义】n. 衣柜；行头；全部戏装
chubby
【释义】adj. 圆胖的，丰满的
acne
【释义】n. 痤疮
multiple
【释义】n. 倍数；[电] 并联 adj. 多重的；多样的；许多的
【短语】multiple shop 连锁商店；multiple-choice 多项选择题
devastate
【释义】vt. 毁灭；毁坏
【短语】devastate the living environment 毁灭环境
black out
【释义】中断，停止；熄灭灯火
【短语】black-out cloth 遮光布
unrealistic
【释义】adj. 不切实际的；不实在的
【短语】unrealistic fantasy 不切实际的幻想；
Unrealistic Scenes 不切实际的场景
Graduation and Liberation/ 毕业与解放
Graduation day is a peculiar one. After spending four years completely immersed in the lives of your friends，you abruptly shift your attention to family and future. For weeks you，ve been in survival mode-papers and finals and late-night pizza and parties-and then suddenly there you are，on the day where you formally and finally exit this world that has been your... everything.
I remember that sunny day in May well. My roommates and I were living off-campus in a building filled with upperclassmen. After spending two years in a dorm room of the size of a walk-in closet，this three-room apartment was heaven.
On the morning of our graduation，the apartment was abuzz with preparations-hair，gowns，caps， and families arriving for the traditional brunch before the ceremony. My parents were recently divorced，so the day had been neatly split in two： the more affordable breakfast with Mom and my stepfather，followed by the expensive dinner with my dad and his girlfriend. Everyone would be at the graduation，of course，in separate seating.
My roommate Margie，s parents arrived first，and then Annie，s. Everyone lingered，waiting for my family. I wasn，t worried at all and practically had to force them out of the apartment.
Just as the apartment emptied，the phone rang. It was my sister Robin on the other end，and she was sobbing. They weren，t running late，they weren，t stuck in traffic，and they hadn，t had an accident. They hadn，t left yet，and they weren，t coming-at all. My mother was drunk.
The apartment grew larger and emptier and quieter，and I grew more alone. How would I face my roommates and their families with this news？
“Why？”I wondered through tears I tried to stave off.“Why today？ Why me？”
I hung up the phone and felt a chilled emptiness replace the excitement inside me. I considered lying to my roommates and their families. I considered not going to graduation at all. I considered not existing at all.
I didn，t want to be in this messed up family. I didn，t want this story to be mine. What kind of graduation gift was this？
I let out a deep exhale of grief，and then sucked in determination. This is MY graduation day，I told myself. This is the day that celebrates my last four years of studying and learning. This is MY day. This is about ME.
I draped my robe and cap over my shoulder and began walking to campus. I continued walking past the college until I got to our hangout. Opening the heavy door，I moved out of the sun and into the cool，dank darkness. There，even though it was morning and graduation day at that，I found another classmate having a beer. I hopped up on a barstool and joined him. There were even pastries laid out. In a booth alongside us，another friend sat with his family. I regained my sense of place，and a bittersweet feeling of belonging. With a beer and a pastry for breakfast，I reclaimed this day as mine and headed to my graduation ceremony.
There，s not much more I remember from that day. Most of my friends were in the Business College so I sat among relative strangers in the college of Arts and Sciences-without having to explain my morning. There，s a photo of me with the sun in my face as I received my diploma. Afterwards， I hugged friends goodbye and we all rejoined our families. My father took me to my favorite upscale Italian place. Though it seeped from my pores，there was no talk about my mother and what happened that morning，especially in the presence of our future stepmother. My sister and I smiled at each other from across the table with weary eyes and bruised hearts.
My mother，s drinking got worse that summer and instead of joining the“real world，”I left it， backpacking through Europe in the fall while classmates embarked on careers.
