When a man gives himself up to the government of a ruling passion,--or, in other words, when his Hobby-Horse grows headstrong,--farewell cool reason and fair discretion!
My uncle Toby's wound was near well, and as soon as the surgeon recovered his surprize, and could get leave to say as much--he told him, 'twas just beginning to incarnate; and that if no fresh exfoliation happened, which there was no sign of,--it would be dried up in five or six weeks. The sound of as many Olympiads, twelve hours before, would have conveyed an idea of shorter duration to my uncle Toby's mind.--The succession of his ideas was now rapid,--he broiled with impatience to put his design in execution;--and so, without consulting farther with any soul living,--which, by the bye, I think is right, when you are predetermined to take no one soul's advice,--he privately ordered Trim, his man, to pack up a bundle of lint and dressings, and hire a chariot-and-four to be at the door exactly by twelve o'clock that day, when he knew my father would be upon 'Change.--So leaving a bank-note upon the table for the surgeon's care of him, and a letter of tender thanks for his brother's--he packed up his maps, his books of fortification, his instruments, &c. and by the help of a crutch on one side, and Trim on the other,--my uncle Toby embarked for Shandy-Hall.
The reason, or rather the rise of this sudden demigration was as follows:
The table in my uncle Toby's room, and at which, the night before this change happened, he was sitting with his maps, &c. about him--being somewhat of the smallest, for that infinity of great and small instruments of knowledge which usually lay crowded upon it--he had the accident, in reaching over for his tobacco-box, to throw down his compasses, and in stooping to take the compasses up, with his sleeve he threw down his case of instruments and snuffers;--and as the dice took a run against him, in his endeavouring to catch the snuffers in falling,--he thrust Monsieur Blondel off the table, and Count de Pagon o'top of him.
'Twas to no purpose for a man, lame as my uncle Toby was, to think of redressing these evils by himself,--he rung his bell for his man Trim;--Trim, quoth my uncle Toby, prithee see what confusion I have here been ******--I must have some better contrivance, Trim.--Can'st not thou take my rule, and measure the length and breadth of this table, and then go and bespeak me one as big again?--Yes, an' please your Honour, replied Trim, ****** a bow; but I hope your Honour will be soon well enough to get down to your country-seat, where,--as your Honour takes so much pleasure in fortification, we could manage this matter to a T.
I must here inform you, that this servant of my uncle Toby's, who went by the name of Trim, had been a corporal in my uncle's own company,--his real name was James Butler,--but having got the nick-name of Trim, in the regiment, my uncle Toby, unless when he happened to be very angry with him, would never call him by any other name.
The poor fellow had been disabled for the service, by a wound on his left knee by a musket-bullet, at the battle of Landen, which was two years before the affair of Namur;--and as the fellow was well-beloved in the regiment, and a handy fellow into the bargain, my uncle Toby took him for his servant; and of an excellent use was he, attending my uncle Toby in the camp and in his quarters as a valet, groom, barber, cook, sempster, and nurse; and indeed, from first to last, waited upon him and served him with great fidelity and affection.
My uncle Toby loved the man in return, and what attached him more to him still, was the similitude of their knowledge.--For Corporal Trim, (for so, for the future, I shall call him) by four years occasional attention to his Master's discourse upon fortified towns, and the advantage of prying and peeping continually into his Master's plans, &c. exclusive and besides what he gained Hobby-Horsically, as a body-servant, Non Hobby Horsical per se;--had become no mean proficient in the science; and was thought, by the cook and chamber-maid, to know as much of the nature of strong-holds as my uncle Toby himself.
I have but one more stroke to give to finish Corporal Trim's character,--and it is the only dark line in it.--The fellow loved to advise,--or rather to hear himself talk; his carriage, however, was so perfectly respectful, 'twas easy to keep him silent when you had him so; but set his tongue a-going,--you had no hold of him--he was voluble;--the eternal interlardings of your Honour, with the respectfulness of Corporal Trim's manner, interceding so strong in behalf of his elocution,--that though you might have been incommoded,--you could not well be angry. My uncle Toby was seldom either the one or the other with him,--or, at least, this fault, in Trim, broke no squares with them. My uncle Toby, as I said, loved the man;--and besides, as he ever looked upon a faithful servant,--but as an humble friend,--he could not bear to stop his mouth.--Such was Corporal Trim.
